……..

School started Monday. I’m 4 days in and already have slight regrets. I’ll get over it though. It’s been ok being on campus again. I’m going back to work next week which will be nice.

I miss Hawaii of course but can’t be surprised about that. I’ll miss it even more when it starts getting cold here. I have a physics pre-lab I should be working on, but it’s too hard for me to understand.

I want beer. And I want to go out tonight and have a good time. Eh…I don’t know. I’ve been kind of an introvert lately. Feeling kinda down.

For now, I’m going to go on a run with my ipod turned up too loud and tune out the world and my feelings.

 

How did I become this person…?

3:02 AM

I’m drunk. It’s 3 in the morning and I need to go to sleep. I hung out with Canaan and Katie again tonight. It’s so nice to have someone from back home here. Especially in such a transitional time in my life. Canaan is such a great guy. Any girl would be lucky to have him. Katie’s got a great catch. We went out to Fusion tonight (gay bar) and danced a drank and danced some more. There was this super hot girl who was diggin on me all night. I took her home. Just kidding I should have though. She was smoking. The packing is coming along well…kinda. Leaving is bittersweet but I’m excited to head back to school. I’m going to really focus on my own happiness this year. If that means being single, ok. If I happen to find a great girl who I could see myself spending a lot of time with, ok.

I feel like I have just gone through girl after girl the last year and a half. I never used to be that way. I used to believe in love. I’ve been jaded I guess.

Too many late nights waiting for you to come back

Too many crazy texts begging you to talk to me

Too many days of being jealous over stupid things

Too many broken promises, too many lies

I need a drink. Aloha

Aloha Au Ia ‘Oe

decisons

I think maybe I’m going back to school. I’m gonna get my masters. I figure there aren’t many teaching jobs right now and only having a bacherlors degree makes it that much harder to find one. So, school it is. Now for the kicker…I’m moving back to Indiana to do it. I’m just gonna go. I’ll miss my grandparents and morning runs on the beach but I miss Indiana a whole lot. I miss Fort Wayne which I can’t believe I’m actually admitting. I’m just gonna go back and do my thing. The girlfriend and I had a long talk last night and while she didn’t completely dismiss the idea of coming to visit..she didn’t exactly support my decision. So we basically called it quits. Just cooling it for a bit and maybe one day, if it’s meant to be, we’ll be together again. For now, I’m ok being single. Eh..maybe not ok with it but it’s what I am so I should try to accept it I guess. I just eventually would like to settle down. And I know I’m young still but I’m impatient. And I’m tired of wasting my time with the wrong people. I’ll find her one day.

More good news. My buddy Canaan is on leave and just happened to choose to spend it in Hawaii? Crazy I know. So glad I got to catch up with him though! He’s a marine and just finished basic. He’s buff and hot and if I were into guys, I’d be all over him ; ) and he’s officially got a fiance now. Congrats Katie and Canaan, you’ll make beautiful babies!

Anyway, headed back to the mainland in T minus 10 days. Can’t wait!

Homesick

I miss Indiana. I love Hawaii, nothing beats waking up to the ocean every morning. But I miss my parents and my brothers and my friends back on the mainland. Being back there for a couple weeks just made me realize how much I love it there. My girlfriend probably won’t want to leave the big island. She’s never known anything else. And if that’s the case, maybe its just not meant to be I want to find a girl that has big dreams and isn’t afraid to chase them regardless of where, geographically and otherwise,  they may take her. I want a girl who knows exactly what she wants and won’t stop until she gets it. A girl who loves and doesn’t hold back, who tells me everyday how much I mean to her,  who thinks I’m the most beautiful girl in the world even when I just woke up. I want a girl that wants me as badly as I want her. I want someone I can spend every second with. I’ve never had that with anyone before. No one has even come close. One day.

Pride

It was so much fucking fun! So many sexy girls. Ass shaking. And way too much alcohol

So excited!

This weekend is about to be crazy!

excessive amounts of booze, drag queens (and kings), sexy girls, rainbows, gay boys, more booze, random make outs, phone numbers, crazy pictures, doing things I normally wouldn’t, no sleep, hook ups, drama, and not remembering the majority of it

Yep, pride 2011 is about to be awesome! As someone once said to me…”I’m going with an open mind.”

 

Good night

You are gorgeous! It amazes me how I can see you once in so many months and still get the same feelings about you. Butterflies. I wanted to talk to you but figured it’d be wise to keep my distance. I miss you.

Now time to go drink beer and forget the night!